A lot of people seek careers in show biz, thinking they belong there. I can't honestly tell you what is truly in your heart, suffice to say our current culture puts emphasis on fame and popularity over talent and intelligence. Sure, we have people who are famous for nothing other than literally sucking cock on camera but those really are few and far between. If you don't have mammoth emotional and mental strength, it's doubtful you can survive show business, even on a community level.
Believe it or not, the arts are FULL of bullies. I sometimes wonder if it's because artists are the ones who often get ganged up on in childhood and we seem to seek some sort of retribution in adulthood. This is not to say that everyone in the arts is a bully or an arse, but if you think show biz is this open, accepting place full of outsiders that will welcome you with open arms, you've got another thing coming. Certain groups and circles of the arts might be that way (luckily MOST of my community is), but as a whole, a LOT of folks in the arts make the absolute worst childhood bully look like Tinkerbell.
Dave Chapelle explained it best on "Inside the Actor's Studio (fast forward to 2:12)."
Exactly. Something is WRONG with Hollywood. You have strong, smart, amazing folks being torn to shreds all the time by LA LA Land.
No, I'm not some celebrity with some kind of authority, but I have been performing on and off since I was four years old. Before venturing into show business, you really have to make sure you know who you are. I think a big part of the 10 year hiatus I took had to deal with that. I'm not in full bloom yet, but I see the work ahead of me. It's scary, but I'm going forward anyway, which is what REAL bravery is. Bravery doesn't mean you're not scared. It means you're scared as hell, but you go on anyway.
If you're not ready, willing and able to make a 100% complete ASS of yourself in front of millions and be seen at your absolute most vulnerable, embarrassing moments by millions, you've got no business in show business. That kind of strength of character is very difficult to achieve.
No, I don't intend to discourage ANYONE from following their dreams. Rather, I intend to encourage everyone to really get to know her/himself. Talk to yourself a lot...constantly. Some people might call that praying, I call it what it really is. Sounds crazy, but it's the best way to know yourself. Besides, with all the hands free mobile devices out there, no one will suspect a thing. Cry when you need to. Laugh when you need to. Scream when you need to. Know yourself inside and out, which is good advice even outside of show biz.
Most important of all: STAY AWAY FROM VICES! Illegal drugs, prescription drugs, alcohol, comfort foods, bulimia, laxatives, prostitutes, cigarettes, etc. Those things are for people who can't survive their pain. If you have to rely on that crap now, what are you going to rely on at rock bottom? All you need to survive is what's in your heart, you just have to prepare that heart to be strong and elastic.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Look, ma, I'm on TV!
This is going to be kind of an all about Katie post, so those of you looking for advice might not find any here, except to say that SO FAR, following my dream is working pretty spectacularly. I just want to brag about my career progress for a bit.
I'm not sure what everyone's dream jobs are, but mine is the performing arts (second is writing). I don't specify further than that because I want to keep an open mind and heart. Personally, I could see myself as an actress or comedian, but I'm open to any opportunities. As for now, I'm doing quite well.
October is Halloween time! Therefore, there are a lot of chances to work at haunted houses, act in spooky theatre shows, and tell ghost stories. One particular story telling gig that I'm working is called Terror on the Trail where I play a zombie tour guide. I lead people between ghost stories and mess with them on the way. My particular zombie character is a doctor that was killed in a patient revolt. Looks a lil something like this:
Fox 5 Atlanta did a live remote today featuring myself and some of the other zombies. We were really just background entertainment while they had actual interviews with the director of the ghost tour I work on as well as the other ghost tour in Lawrenceville. There were also some paranormal investigators on site that they interviewed in the cemetery while we roamed around in search of yummy brains. Though, I've heard cemeteries aren't usually "haunted" because people are just laid to rest there; they haunt places where something significant happened in their lives, but supposedly, this particular cemetery is "haunted."
Anyway, so, I have three different roles for ghost stories and I've been hired by a haunted house (though have yet to be scheduled, likely b/c my weekends are all taken by ghost tours). So, my bills are covered for October! Not sure how this is going to work in November, but I'll keep my fingers crossed!
Just some bragging...I think I'll be successful if I just keep pushin'.
I'm not sure what everyone's dream jobs are, but mine is the performing arts (second is writing). I don't specify further than that because I want to keep an open mind and heart. Personally, I could see myself as an actress or comedian, but I'm open to any opportunities. As for now, I'm doing quite well.
October is Halloween time! Therefore, there are a lot of chances to work at haunted houses, act in spooky theatre shows, and tell ghost stories. One particular story telling gig that I'm working is called Terror on the Trail where I play a zombie tour guide. I lead people between ghost stories and mess with them on the way. My particular zombie character is a doctor that was killed in a patient revolt. Looks a lil something like this:
Fox 5 Atlanta did a live remote today featuring myself and some of the other zombies. We were really just background entertainment while they had actual interviews with the director of the ghost tour I work on as well as the other ghost tour in Lawrenceville. There were also some paranormal investigators on site that they interviewed in the cemetery while we roamed around in search of yummy brains. Though, I've heard cemeteries aren't usually "haunted" because people are just laid to rest there; they haunt places where something significant happened in their lives, but supposedly, this particular cemetery is "haunted."
Anyway, so, I have three different roles for ghost stories and I've been hired by a haunted house (though have yet to be scheduled, likely b/c my weekends are all taken by ghost tours). So, my bills are covered for October! Not sure how this is going to work in November, but I'll keep my fingers crossed!
Just some bragging...I think I'll be successful if I just keep pushin'.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Stuff=slavery
So often I hear people talking about how much they hate their job situations, but how much the "can't" do anything about it, "because of the money." Aren't you tired of worrying about the money? Aren't you sick of being a slave to low pay, long hours, poor treatment, and this idea that some asshole came up with about what you are supposed to be doing with your life? Then, stop.
You CAN stop. You can do whatever it is you want to do with your life. You just have to figure out how to change your life to suit what you really want. It probably will not be easy, but is working at a job that constantly makes you envision setting the building on fire so you can be free from cruel and unusual cubicles?
You don't like being a lawyer anymore? Quit. Sell or rent your house, move to a cheap apartment, get rid of all your junk, find a different job. Oh, but I don't want to do that, my house that's chock full of all my stuff is important to me! George Carlin has best explained the human pathological problem with stuff, but in short, your house is nothing but a big pile of shit with a cover on it.
Do me a favor. Right now, look around your room. Look at everything you have in your room. Look at all the stupid shit you've got. Think of how much you spent on everything you can see. Do you need that shit? Can you even find 20 things within your area of vision that you actually need?
I bet you've got plenty of pretty little decorative candles that cost $10 each, that you'd never dream of lighting because they're just so pretty. I bet you've got clothes you haven't worn in at least a year. I bet you've got all kinds of dumb little nicknacks that don't serve a purpose. I bet, if you're a lady, you have fifty different purses, three of which you actually use. I bet you have thousands of free pens, hundreds of which have no ink, but as soon as you pick one up, try to write with it, and discover it has no ink, you stick it right back in the cup you grabbed it from because you can't waste a free pen!
Just stop! Stuff is slavery. You know why you can't leave that job that you hate, that's raising your blood pressure, that's aggravating your ulcer, that's giving you headaches, that keeps you up at night, that's making you wish every second for the sweet release of death so that you wouldn't have to do that god awful job you hate for one single second longer? You can't part with your stuff.
Sure, claim all you want about paying bills and keeping food in your belly, but let's be honest here. Have you never been late on money you knew you owed but didn't pay because you spent that money on some piece of material crap you just had to have when you saw but then you didn't even like it when you got it home anyway? Also, with 70% of Americans being obese, I'd say a few hungry nights might help us all out a bit. Yet, every last one of us has a big pile of shit with a cover on it that we call a home and a horrible job we can't stand to support it.
What a waste of life....
When you're dead, do you think it will really matter how much crap you acquired over your lifetime? Do you think your loved ones are really going to be proud of you for that? If anything, they're going to be pissed at you because as soon as you die, they're going to have to take time off of their meaningless, crappy jobs they hate so they can sort through and take care of all your stuff!
Or worse, do you want your loved ones to remember you as someone who worked so hard that you were never around to give them the love, affection, and attention they desperately needed? All so you could kill yourself in order to provide them this huge pile of shit with a cover on it that they have to sift through after you croak?
When you're lying on your deathbed, looking back at your life, is your bank account and all the stuff you bought with it really going to be on your mind? No. The only thing that will be on your mind is regret for how you wasted the perfectly beautiful privilege of life on stuff, the pursuit of which killed you.
Get rid of what you don't need, acquire only what you do need. Reward yourself only now and then with useless crap. It's fun, but don't let it take over your life.
You CAN stop. You can do whatever it is you want to do with your life. You just have to figure out how to change your life to suit what you really want. It probably will not be easy, but is working at a job that constantly makes you envision setting the building on fire so you can be free from cruel and unusual cubicles?
You don't like being a lawyer anymore? Quit. Sell or rent your house, move to a cheap apartment, get rid of all your junk, find a different job. Oh, but I don't want to do that, my house that's chock full of all my stuff is important to me! George Carlin has best explained the human pathological problem with stuff, but in short, your house is nothing but a big pile of shit with a cover on it.
Do me a favor. Right now, look around your room. Look at everything you have in your room. Look at all the stupid shit you've got. Think of how much you spent on everything you can see. Do you need that shit? Can you even find 20 things within your area of vision that you actually need?
I bet you've got plenty of pretty little decorative candles that cost $10 each, that you'd never dream of lighting because they're just so pretty. I bet you've got clothes you haven't worn in at least a year. I bet you've got all kinds of dumb little nicknacks that don't serve a purpose. I bet, if you're a lady, you have fifty different purses, three of which you actually use. I bet you have thousands of free pens, hundreds of which have no ink, but as soon as you pick one up, try to write with it, and discover it has no ink, you stick it right back in the cup you grabbed it from because you can't waste a free pen!
Just stop! Stuff is slavery. You know why you can't leave that job that you hate, that's raising your blood pressure, that's aggravating your ulcer, that's giving you headaches, that keeps you up at night, that's making you wish every second for the sweet release of death so that you wouldn't have to do that god awful job you hate for one single second longer? You can't part with your stuff.
Sure, claim all you want about paying bills and keeping food in your belly, but let's be honest here. Have you never been late on money you knew you owed but didn't pay because you spent that money on some piece of material crap you just had to have when you saw but then you didn't even like it when you got it home anyway? Also, with 70% of Americans being obese, I'd say a few hungry nights might help us all out a bit. Yet, every last one of us has a big pile of shit with a cover on it that we call a home and a horrible job we can't stand to support it.
What a waste of life....
When you're dead, do you think it will really matter how much crap you acquired over your lifetime? Do you think your loved ones are really going to be proud of you for that? If anything, they're going to be pissed at you because as soon as you die, they're going to have to take time off of their meaningless, crappy jobs they hate so they can sort through and take care of all your stuff!
Or worse, do you want your loved ones to remember you as someone who worked so hard that you were never around to give them the love, affection, and attention they desperately needed? All so you could kill yourself in order to provide them this huge pile of shit with a cover on it that they have to sift through after you croak?
When you're lying on your deathbed, looking back at your life, is your bank account and all the stuff you bought with it really going to be on your mind? No. The only thing that will be on your mind is regret for how you wasted the perfectly beautiful privilege of life on stuff, the pursuit of which killed you.
Get rid of what you don't need, acquire only what you do need. Reward yourself only now and then with useless crap. It's fun, but don't let it take over your life.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
PeachPass
I'm going to take a quick break from my usual topic of employment and share something that I wrote with great passion that deals with government and taxes. I originally created it as a comment on a page that's against PeachPass, which is a new lane on the highway that you have to pay to use. Well anyway, here goes:
Wait, so lemme get this straight. GA wants to save tax payer money and help the environment by charging us money to use a special lane that was built with money we already gave the state....WHAT?! Doesn't the government know that unemployment is over 10% in GA and those of us that are employed are massively overworked, overqualified, underpaid, and underappreciated, and that for a lot of us, every penny really does count? WELL, THEY SHOULD! It's their own stupid Department of "Labor" that calculates this crap and puts it out there to make sure we're all constantly reminded of how bad the economy is. Am I the only one that thinks this is intentional so that we'll all come to accept these increasingly crappier conditions and surrender to a feeling of powerlessness?
This kinda reminds me of the "temporary" toll on 400.
Am I also the only one who's noticed how they just started building new lanes and putting up purple signs without really telling us what was going on at first? But hey, that's our fault for not spending every waking moment reading excessively lengthy documents that are purposely written in a way that obscures meaning and bores people so as to lose everyone's interest so much so that the very politicians who are being called to vote on these things don't even read them? We did away filibustering, but somehow it's still okay to do it as long as it's on paper.
I'm tired of this shit! I'm tired of seeing America elect these fat, bloated, rich, white, male career politicians that don't live in reality and don't give a crap about any of us! Mofos, you are PUBLIC SERVANTS! That means YOU serve US, not the other way around. We are YOUR boss, but you've somehow brought a class action lawsuit against us that ties our hands and removes our ability to fire you.
You wanna talk about the "FREE MARKET?" In what other industry on the planet does the boss make LESS, work twice as many hours, have fewer days off, and crappier benefits, or possibly no benefits, than everyone else in the entire company? Yet, somehow that model works just fine for the government. If any of you were doing any other job than professional fat, bloated white guy you'd be fired and would never hold a job again because your own mama wouldn't even give you a good reference!
We all know this stuff, yet, we've all surrendered to the epic fail that is our government because we see it as an inevitability, and those of us that haven't surrendered are too damn busy working our asses off to support ourselves to fight. Politicians, what is wrong with you? When you were a kid, did you dream of growing up to make America a better place for a living, or did you grow up dreaming of blowing some rich criminal asshole for a living?
FIGHT THE EVIL POWER!
Wait, so lemme get this straight. GA wants to save tax payer money and help the environment by charging us money to use a special lane that was built with money we already gave the state....WHAT?! Doesn't the government know that unemployment is over 10% in GA and those of us that are employed are massively overworked, overqualified, underpaid, and underappreciated, and that for a lot of us, every penny really does count? WELL, THEY SHOULD! It's their own stupid Department of "Labor" that calculates this crap and puts it out there to make sure we're all constantly reminded of how bad the economy is. Am I the only one that thinks this is intentional so that we'll all come to accept these increasingly crappier conditions and surrender to a feeling of powerlessness?
This kinda reminds me of the "temporary" toll on 400.
Am I also the only one who's noticed how they just started building new lanes and putting up purple signs without really telling us what was going on at first? But hey, that's our fault for not spending every waking moment reading excessively lengthy documents that are purposely written in a way that obscures meaning and bores people so as to lose everyone's interest so much so that the very politicians who are being called to vote on these things don't even read them? We did away filibustering, but somehow it's still okay to do it as long as it's on paper.
I'm tired of this shit! I'm tired of seeing America elect these fat, bloated, rich, white, male career politicians that don't live in reality and don't give a crap about any of us! Mofos, you are PUBLIC SERVANTS! That means YOU serve US, not the other way around. We are YOUR boss, but you've somehow brought a class action lawsuit against us that ties our hands and removes our ability to fire you.
You wanna talk about the "FREE MARKET?" In what other industry on the planet does the boss make LESS, work twice as many hours, have fewer days off, and crappier benefits, or possibly no benefits, than everyone else in the entire company? Yet, somehow that model works just fine for the government. If any of you were doing any other job than professional fat, bloated white guy you'd be fired and would never hold a job again because your own mama wouldn't even give you a good reference!
We all know this stuff, yet, we've all surrendered to the epic fail that is our government because we see it as an inevitability, and those of us that haven't surrendered are too damn busy working our asses off to support ourselves to fight. Politicians, what is wrong with you? When you were a kid, did you dream of growing up to make America a better place for a living, or did you grow up dreaming of blowing some rich criminal asshole for a living?
FIGHT THE EVIL POWER!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Update!
As promised, I'll be comin' at ya every Tuesday. The only problem is, I've been so crazy busy that even though technically, it's Wednesday, I am still considering it Tuesday because I haven't gone to bed yet. I want to brag for a second, but also hope to inspire too.
When I was a kid, I fell in love with acting and performing. I participated in the drama club in middle school and was always a member of the advanced production class in high school. Not to toot my own horn, but I've got talent.
Then I went off to college and figured it was time to grow up, get a real job, etc. I studies mass communication (media, basically) and while I really liked it, I always felt a little empty.
After 10 years of tucking my love of acting into a deep crevice of my mind, swearing never to dig it out again for fear of pain and resentment that might stray me from the path of what I thought was mature discipline, I woke up one day and decided to go for it. That day was less less than two months ago. I have since booked four separate, PAID acting jobs. The pay is rather low, as I expected, but I honestly don't care because first, it's experience, and second, IT'S PAID! That's a HUGE deal! I've gotten parts in four out of five auditions that I've attended. That's pretty damn good if I may say so myself. I know that frequency will not likely remain, but I'm still stoked.
Whatever it is you're wanting to do, it's not too late. I know it seems impossible to believe when you're stuck in a depression, but once you put the simplest thing into motion, you'll get what you want. It may come slowly, but it will come. Your brain won't let you forget it. It will nag at you, poke at you, and ask you, "WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T YOU DONE THIS YET?!"
Ask me how I know....because that's what I did for *10* years!
You can't simply dream, you have to DO. Right now, get a piece of paper and a pen or open a blank Word document. Write ONE thing you've always wanted to do. It doesn't have to be some life-altering experience. It can be as simple as going to store that has always looked interesting, but that you've never visited, or reading a certain book, or taking a random art class, or making one phone call to a company you've always been interested in working for. Then do it.
Keep doing it. After you visit that store, read that book. After you finish that book, take that art class. After you take that art class, call that company. You'll condition yourself to say yes to your desires and you'll learn ways to make them happen. You can start making increasingly "harder" goals. It won't be as easy, of course, but what worth having is? Don't believe me? Look at all the obscenely wealthy, yet incredibly vapid losers we all idolize who seem to have everything handed to them by right of birth. Yet somehow, they're miserable, they turn to drugs or other types of thrill seeking, they can't stand the pain of knowing they don't really do anything.
I know, it kinda sounds kooky, like something from The Secret, or one of those other lame self-helpless books, but I'm not claiming anything mythical or mystical....mythistical? Anyway, I am merely suggesting things that you can definitely do, and I'm not basing it off of any defined pseudoscience. These are just simple tasks that anyone with a pen and paper can do.
I know, I know, I know. It's HARD, but think of it the way, you're going to be dead soon. It may seem far off, but it's not. Besides, it could also happen any time, so you have to make the best of your life NOW because when you're dead, it won't matter, even if you do have some kind of spiritual belief about the afterlife. Of course, I'm not here to take that away from you, however, I would love to murder the idea that suffering equals reward. It doesn't. Always keep the Golden Rule. No matter what your beliefs are, if you always consider others, live with passion and goodness, you should still qualify for whatever super-neato, post-mortem experience you subscribe to.
Don't let your "faith" hold you back from anything! Besides, you're not following your faith's rules 100% anyway. More importantly, no belief should get in the way of you doing what you really want...unless your dream is like...stalking some hot celebrity or something. In that case, seek a psychiatrist.
Please, today, right now, this moment, do something that makes you happy, no matter how small.
When I was a kid, I fell in love with acting and performing. I participated in the drama club in middle school and was always a member of the advanced production class in high school. Not to toot my own horn, but I've got talent.
Then I went off to college and figured it was time to grow up, get a real job, etc. I studies mass communication (media, basically) and while I really liked it, I always felt a little empty.
After 10 years of tucking my love of acting into a deep crevice of my mind, swearing never to dig it out again for fear of pain and resentment that might stray me from the path of what I thought was mature discipline, I woke up one day and decided to go for it. That day was less less than two months ago. I have since booked four separate, PAID acting jobs. The pay is rather low, as I expected, but I honestly don't care because first, it's experience, and second, IT'S PAID! That's a HUGE deal! I've gotten parts in four out of five auditions that I've attended. That's pretty damn good if I may say so myself. I know that frequency will not likely remain, but I'm still stoked.
Whatever it is you're wanting to do, it's not too late. I know it seems impossible to believe when you're stuck in a depression, but once you put the simplest thing into motion, you'll get what you want. It may come slowly, but it will come. Your brain won't let you forget it. It will nag at you, poke at you, and ask you, "WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T YOU DONE THIS YET?!"
Ask me how I know....because that's what I did for *10* years!
You can't simply dream, you have to DO. Right now, get a piece of paper and a pen or open a blank Word document. Write ONE thing you've always wanted to do. It doesn't have to be some life-altering experience. It can be as simple as going to store that has always looked interesting, but that you've never visited, or reading a certain book, or taking a random art class, or making one phone call to a company you've always been interested in working for. Then do it.
Keep doing it. After you visit that store, read that book. After you finish that book, take that art class. After you take that art class, call that company. You'll condition yourself to say yes to your desires and you'll learn ways to make them happen. You can start making increasingly "harder" goals. It won't be as easy, of course, but what worth having is? Don't believe me? Look at all the obscenely wealthy, yet incredibly vapid losers we all idolize who seem to have everything handed to them by right of birth. Yet somehow, they're miserable, they turn to drugs or other types of thrill seeking, they can't stand the pain of knowing they don't really do anything.
I know, it kinda sounds kooky, like something from The Secret, or one of those other lame self-helpless books, but I'm not claiming anything mythical or mystical....mythistical? Anyway, I am merely suggesting things that you can definitely do, and I'm not basing it off of any defined pseudoscience. These are just simple tasks that anyone with a pen and paper can do.
I know, I know, I know. It's HARD, but think of it the way, you're going to be dead soon. It may seem far off, but it's not. Besides, it could also happen any time, so you have to make the best of your life NOW because when you're dead, it won't matter, even if you do have some kind of spiritual belief about the afterlife. Of course, I'm not here to take that away from you, however, I would love to murder the idea that suffering equals reward. It doesn't. Always keep the Golden Rule. No matter what your beliefs are, if you always consider others, live with passion and goodness, you should still qualify for whatever super-neato, post-mortem experience you subscribe to.
Don't let your "faith" hold you back from anything! Besides, you're not following your faith's rules 100% anyway. More importantly, no belief should get in the way of you doing what you really want...unless your dream is like...stalking some hot celebrity or something. In that case, seek a psychiatrist.
Please, today, right now, this moment, do something that makes you happy, no matter how small.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Sad Clown Syndrome
My whole life, I've dreamt of being an "artist." This is actually well documented in the form of my Those Wonderful School Days book. It asks you your teacher's name, your pets' names, your friends' names, what field trips you went on, and the be all, end all question for kids from kindergarten on up, "When I grow up I want to be_______________________." Let me fill you in on the results:
Kindergarten: An Artist (my mom wrote for me)
1st Grade: An Artist (thanks again, Mom)
2nd Grade: a Artest (my writing has since improved, yes?)
3rd Grade: a famios Artest (fukkin spelling)
4th Grade: an artis of paint (ALMOST THERE!)
5th Grade: An Artist (and in cursive too)
6th Grade: no entry. In middle school they stopped asking that question and so there is no entry for 6th grade. I guess by they figured by the time they hit sixth grade, the little fuckers oughta be gettin' jobs. So, for the next two years, I wrote them in myself.
7th Grade: Artist or Actress
8th Grade: An artist or an actress
Alas, I perjured myself in 4th grade because I have documented proof that I wanted to be a standup comedian in the assigned essay, "All About Me." In fact, I PLANNED on it, according to the essay. While I have always fancied being an artist or actress and my art and acting up were always very well received, the one job that, to this day, has been repeatedly recommended to me is comedian. It is also the one job I continue to fantasize about as a possibility. I don't think I'd have a shot in Hollywood or Broadway and I'm too lazy to market myself as a visual artist.
For years, I've mulled it over. Yet, I've never taken one single step toward accomplishing it. I guess that makes me kind of a big, fat hypocrite for all my GET OUT THERE AND DO IT talk. Oh well, those who can't do, blog.
There are reasons; okay, I'll admit it, excuses. The main excuse is crippling fear of dying pill bottle in hand, head in toilet. When I do decide to conquer this dream, I want to make sure I am mentally and emotionally prepared not to blow my brains out or OD, which is a more difficult prospect than it seems.
Virtually all successful comedians are haunted by an element of darkness. It's a profession with a disproportionately high rate of drug addiction, mental disorders, and suicide. These things are higher than usual in all forms of show biz, but comedians take the biggest hit. Lenny Bruce, Bill Hicks, John Belushi, Sam Kinnison, Richard Jeni, Greg Giraldo, Mitch Hedberg, Chris Farley, Ray Combs, the list goes on and on. Ever seen an old comedian? George Carlin is the only one that comes to mind and even he struggled with sobriety and suffered three heart attacks, despite being otherwise physically healthy.
This article sums it up best, "Why do comedians do this to themselves? It seems like more than most professions, depression is a prominent condition with comedians. I guess it's the classic sad clown syndrome — the smile is sometimes only painted on. Some comedians seem to have no happiness of their own, aside from the moments when they provide happiness to others. Even in death, especially in the age of the Internet, they can at least rest assured that they are still providing people with happiness."
A consistently busy travel schedule makes it difficult for comedians to form social or romantic relationships, adding isolation to the potentially fatal concoction. Other ingredients include, stress, insomnia, mania, social anxiety, and that beautiful yet crazy mind that only comedians have; that mind that sometimes forces them into comedy because they can't shoehorn themselves into any other role in society. Ingenious, radical thinkers and observers, but sad clowns one and all.
I'm in double trouble because of the idea that "women aren't funny." Plus, being sexually attractive AND funny seem to be mutually exclusive if you're a woman, and the idea of always being seen as hideous has little appeal to me. Name me one good looking, SUCCESSFUL female comedian. Eddie Izzard does not count. On the plus side, there aren't many female comedians who OD'd or blew their brains out.
In short, I don't want to end up dead before I need to. I don't want to become a drug addict. I don't want to flip out and randomly move to Poland. I don't want to be a sad clown. I don't want to be yet another human sacrifice. When I encourage you all to follow your dreams, make things happen, I'm most likely not steering you toward certain death. However, in my case....I suppose it really just makes me a big hypocrite, though I have pursued and accomplished many of my other mini-dreams.
I hate to leave on a downer, so let good ol' Georgie make light of the subject.
Kindergarten: An Artist (my mom wrote for me)
1st Grade: An Artist (thanks again, Mom)
2nd Grade: a Artest (my writing has since improved, yes?)
3rd Grade: a famios Artest (fukkin spelling)
4th Grade: an artis of paint (ALMOST THERE!)
5th Grade: An Artist (and in cursive too)
6th Grade: no entry. In middle school they stopped asking that question and so there is no entry for 6th grade. I guess by they figured by the time they hit sixth grade, the little fuckers oughta be gettin' jobs. So, for the next two years, I wrote them in myself.
7th Grade: Artist or Actress
8th Grade: An artist or an actress
Alas, I perjured myself in 4th grade because I have documented proof that I wanted to be a standup comedian in the assigned essay, "All About Me." In fact, I PLANNED on it, according to the essay. While I have always fancied being an artist or actress and my art and acting up were always very well received, the one job that, to this day, has been repeatedly recommended to me is comedian. It is also the one job I continue to fantasize about as a possibility. I don't think I'd have a shot in Hollywood or Broadway and I'm too lazy to market myself as a visual artist.
For years, I've mulled it over. Yet, I've never taken one single step toward accomplishing it. I guess that makes me kind of a big, fat hypocrite for all my GET OUT THERE AND DO IT talk. Oh well, those who can't do, blog.
There are reasons; okay, I'll admit it, excuses. The main excuse is crippling fear of dying pill bottle in hand, head in toilet. When I do decide to conquer this dream, I want to make sure I am mentally and emotionally prepared not to blow my brains out or OD, which is a more difficult prospect than it seems.
Virtually all successful comedians are haunted by an element of darkness. It's a profession with a disproportionately high rate of drug addiction, mental disorders, and suicide. These things are higher than usual in all forms of show biz, but comedians take the biggest hit. Lenny Bruce, Bill Hicks, John Belushi, Sam Kinnison, Richard Jeni, Greg Giraldo, Mitch Hedberg, Chris Farley, Ray Combs, the list goes on and on. Ever seen an old comedian? George Carlin is the only one that comes to mind and even he struggled with sobriety and suffered three heart attacks, despite being otherwise physically healthy.
This article sums it up best, "Why do comedians do this to themselves? It seems like more than most professions, depression is a prominent condition with comedians. I guess it's the classic sad clown syndrome — the smile is sometimes only painted on. Some comedians seem to have no happiness of their own, aside from the moments when they provide happiness to others. Even in death, especially in the age of the Internet, they can at least rest assured that they are still providing people with happiness."
A consistently busy travel schedule makes it difficult for comedians to form social or romantic relationships, adding isolation to the potentially fatal concoction. Other ingredients include, stress, insomnia, mania, social anxiety, and that beautiful yet crazy mind that only comedians have; that mind that sometimes forces them into comedy because they can't shoehorn themselves into any other role in society. Ingenious, radical thinkers and observers, but sad clowns one and all.
I'm in double trouble because of the idea that "women aren't funny." Plus, being sexually attractive AND funny seem to be mutually exclusive if you're a woman, and the idea of always being seen as hideous has little appeal to me. Name me one good looking, SUCCESSFUL female comedian. Eddie Izzard does not count. On the plus side, there aren't many female comedians who OD'd or blew their brains out.
In short, I don't want to end up dead before I need to. I don't want to become a drug addict. I don't want to flip out and randomly move to Poland. I don't want to be a sad clown. I don't want to be yet another human sacrifice. When I encourage you all to follow your dreams, make things happen, I'm most likely not steering you toward certain death. However, in my case....I suppose it really just makes me a big hypocrite, though I have pursued and accomplished many of my other mini-dreams.
I hate to leave on a downer, so let good ol' Georgie make light of the subject.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Guinea Pigging
One way to earn a little extra cash is by volunteering as a guinea pig. There are many ranges of guinea pigs, from those who volunteer to undergo dangerous procedures all the way down to paid taste testers. Many people wonder how to become a guinea pig and how much income you can earn from it. Admittedly, this is not my area of expertise, but I'm glad to share what I do know.
Craigslist Yes, Craigslist is full of interesting things, sometimes they are legit, sometimes they are not, but this is your best source for finding paid research gigs of any scale. The most important things to always remember with any ad, be it Craigslist or elsewhere, is never to give or receive money from anyone you don't know, know what you're getting into upfront, and check credentials. If you go to your city's Craigslist, look under "Jobs" and scroll to the bottom where you see "[ETC]." A lot of the offers on this page will be scams, so be vigilant. However, a lot of reputable research companies to use Craigslist because the ads are cheap and it's hard to find any other online outlet.
Universities I am personally fortunate to live in the Atlanta area close to Emory, which is well known for medical and scientific advances. Emory has its own guinea pig service. Check with any universities near you. You may have to really dig on their websites to find it, or they may be on completely different sites. I was lucky enough to be in Piedmont Park at the time when a bunch of students were handing out guinea pig flyers for Emory (btw, NEVER refer to it as guinea pigging to anyone official).
Medical Research Institutes These are best for clinical drug trials. Again, these might be hard to track down. You can certainly use a search engine to find them, but again, don't send or receive any money, don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, ALWAYS research credentials. Also, try paying attention to radio commercials. Radio is still a very frequently used method of advertising for medical research. These studies are usually well paid, but in return, a lot is expected. The qualification process sometimes takes hours. If you do qualify, you may be expected to take certain medications at very inconvenient times, keep extremely detailed journals, call and check in with the institute at inconvenient times, etc. It's usually nothing excruciating, but several things that are kind of annoying.
Taste Tests These can also be difficult to find. There are a few national, legit companies such as Contract Testing and Focus on Food, but there are also smaller, local research companies that may be a little harder to track down. The least amount of money I've ever accepted has been $35 and the most has been $200. They often pay cash. The only problem with taste tests is usually you either can't participate in them very often because the research companies won't accept people who've participated in studies within a designated time frame, or you have to be comfortable with lying in order to participate. I do not endorse lying to research companies. Such behavior may result in horrible consequences such as the McRib sandwich.
Blood/Plasma "Donations" This isn't truly guinea pigging because there's really no research involved, but some clinics will pay for blood donations, depending on your blood type, or plasma donations. Google is your friend for finding these in your area. Don't be surprised if they're in the more rundown parts of town.
What can I expect to earn?
Unfortunately, I can't really tell you. It depends on what you're testing and how often. As previously stated, the most I've ever earned for one study has been $200 and I usually only do taste tests. I usually only participate in taste tests, at most, every 2-3 months. This is mostly due to research companies' standards. I personally wouldn't say I make more than about $500 a year on it, but again, I shy away from the higher dollar tests that may involve an element of danger.
Anyone embarking on a journey to earn money through guinea pigging does so at her/his own risk. I do not endorse putting your life on the line or doing anything to endanger yourself for extra cash, but it's your life and I assume you're a grownup. This is strictly so you can't sue me by saying I told you to do all this. :P
I can't stress this enough: ALWAYS KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO!
Tune in next Tuesday for more tips, advice, or general blabla.
Craigslist Yes, Craigslist is full of interesting things, sometimes they are legit, sometimes they are not, but this is your best source for finding paid research gigs of any scale. The most important things to always remember with any ad, be it Craigslist or elsewhere, is never to give or receive money from anyone you don't know, know what you're getting into upfront, and check credentials. If you go to your city's Craigslist, look under "Jobs" and scroll to the bottom where you see "[ETC]." A lot of the offers on this page will be scams, so be vigilant. However, a lot of reputable research companies to use Craigslist because the ads are cheap and it's hard to find any other online outlet.
Universities I am personally fortunate to live in the Atlanta area close to Emory, which is well known for medical and scientific advances. Emory has its own guinea pig service. Check with any universities near you. You may have to really dig on their websites to find it, or they may be on completely different sites. I was lucky enough to be in Piedmont Park at the time when a bunch of students were handing out guinea pig flyers for Emory (btw, NEVER refer to it as guinea pigging to anyone official).
Medical Research Institutes These are best for clinical drug trials. Again, these might be hard to track down. You can certainly use a search engine to find them, but again, don't send or receive any money, don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, ALWAYS research credentials. Also, try paying attention to radio commercials. Radio is still a very frequently used method of advertising for medical research. These studies are usually well paid, but in return, a lot is expected. The qualification process sometimes takes hours. If you do qualify, you may be expected to take certain medications at very inconvenient times, keep extremely detailed journals, call and check in with the institute at inconvenient times, etc. It's usually nothing excruciating, but several things that are kind of annoying.
Taste Tests These can also be difficult to find. There are a few national, legit companies such as Contract Testing and Focus on Food, but there are also smaller, local research companies that may be a little harder to track down. The least amount of money I've ever accepted has been $35 and the most has been $200. They often pay cash. The only problem with taste tests is usually you either can't participate in them very often because the research companies won't accept people who've participated in studies within a designated time frame, or you have to be comfortable with lying in order to participate. I do not endorse lying to research companies. Such behavior may result in horrible consequences such as the McRib sandwich.
Blood/Plasma "Donations" This isn't truly guinea pigging because there's really no research involved, but some clinics will pay for blood donations, depending on your blood type, or plasma donations. Google is your friend for finding these in your area. Don't be surprised if they're in the more rundown parts of town.
What can I expect to earn?
Unfortunately, I can't really tell you. It depends on what you're testing and how often. As previously stated, the most I've ever earned for one study has been $200 and I usually only do taste tests. I usually only participate in taste tests, at most, every 2-3 months. This is mostly due to research companies' standards. I personally wouldn't say I make more than about $500 a year on it, but again, I shy away from the higher dollar tests that may involve an element of danger.
Anyone embarking on a journey to earn money through guinea pigging does so at her/his own risk. I do not endorse putting your life on the line or doing anything to endanger yourself for extra cash, but it's your life and I assume you're a grownup. This is strictly so you can't sue me by saying I told you to do all this. :P
I can't stress this enough: ALWAYS KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO!
Tune in next Tuesday for more tips, advice, or general blabla.
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